Should I break up with my partner when he’s having cybersex?
Relationships can get pretty complicated, and maintaining a healthy sex life based on trust remains one of the most important factors. Interactive porn and sex toys that can simulate sex realistically are all part of the rising popularity of cybersex. If you have questions surrounding how it fits into the modern relationship, this article might just help.
You might be think that cybersex blurs the line between pornography and infedility, or have even thought of breaking up with your partner due their use of sex toys or interactive porn.
However it’s important to have all the facts on cybersex before making such decisions, so we’ve dug a little deeper into what cybersex is and how it can impact your relationship with your partner.
What is cybersex?
First it’s important for us to clarify what cybersex really means. It’s not just sending flirty messages on an online forum – cybersex covers a lot of different activities that range from interactive experiences with pornstars to remote controlled sex toys.
Essentially cybersex describes sexual activity via the internet, so it’s fundamentally a virtual experience that doesn’t involve physical contact.
It’s a growing form of sexual expression that broadens as technology develops, and it doesn’t necessarily mean trouble for you and your partner.
In fact there are plenty of ways that cybersex could become a healthy part of your sex life – but that doesn’t mean you won’t have questions about how it should factor into a relationship.
Is cybersex cheating?
If you find out that your partner is engaging in cybersex without you – this question is likely the first you’re going to ask: “Are you cheating on me?”. Bear in mind every relationship is unique, and it’s up to you to decide where your line is with regards to cybersex.
That said, watching pornography is far less controversial than it has been in the past, and many view interactive porn in the same way they view standard porn.
However there is a difference between engaging in cybersex with an actual human being, and watching pre-recorded interactive porn.
If you wouldn’t be happy if your partner was flirting with someone else at a bar, you likely wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of them masturbating online with someone else either.
For most people interacting with another person at all in a sexual way, be it online or in person, is a form of cheating.
However, there are many forms of cybersex, and there are many that don’t involve a live experience with another person. Interactive porn can simulate real sex without the live engagement of another person.
It’s in this realm that things become far less black and white. Although pre-recorded interactive porn lacks that human element that would cross the threshold into infidelity for many, when used alongside sex toys they provide authentic simulations of sex acts.
This begs the question, how different is simulated sex from real sex?
Is cybersex real sex?
Interactive porn has become incredibly immersive, and with the emergence of VR Porn and sex toys that simulate what’s happening on screen, masturbation sessions have never been closer to the real deal.
This is where for many people cybersex can tow the line between simple masturbation and cheating. What tends to make the difference is whether or not your partner is being open and honest about that behavior.
In an article published by Psychology Today, relationships expert Robert Weiss writes about how it’s the lack of this communication that leads to feelings of betrayal, rather than the act itself.
Addressing some of his findings from a study conducted in 2017, Weiss writes that “The most important finding of our study was that when it comes to the negative effects of one partner being sexual outside a supposedly monogamous relationship, online and in-person behaviors are no different. The betrayed partner feels the same emotional pain, loss of control, and loss of trust either way.”
This might provide a pretty blunt answer for many, however Weiss goes on to state that: “The results of this study confirmed my long-standing belief that no matter what type of extracurricular sex you’re having, it’s the lies and secrets that hurt the most.”
“This means that it’s not any specific sexual act that does the most damage to a relationship, it’s the emotional distancing, the sense of betrayal, and the loss of relationship trust.”
Weiss then concludes his findings with his own personal definition of infidelity, which highlighted lies and deception as the key deciding factor in whether or not any sexual act outside of the relationship constitutes as cheating.
Trust in the relationship is key
It’s clear that whilst some may find interactive porn to be problematic, having an open and honest conversation with your partner is the best way of addressing its use.
If you find that your partner is doing something behind your back then this needs to be confronted. Lies and deception at any level break the foundation of any strong relationship, but that doesn’t mean cybersex is inherently a bad thing.
Some men use interactive porn and the immersive experiences they provide to help build up their stamina in the bedroom. As long as you are both on the same page as to why a partner is using cybersex, then for many this becomes a benefit rather than a trust issue.
You may also find that it’s something you and your partner can do together – some sex toys provide remote control so that their functions can be operated by a partner who might be far away.
It can be a great way of maintaining intimacy in long-distance relationships and provides options for people who may otherwise be unable to physically interact with their partner.
You can read more about how sex toys impact relationships by following this link. You might also want to take a look at our store, as we stock a variety of different sex toy options that might provide a helping hand in your relationship rather than a hindrance.
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